The Therapist Who Goes To Therapy

Ever heard the saying "the therapist friend needs a therapist friend"? Well sometimes the therapist needs a real therapist. I'm 3 months into therapy and want to share my journey to help others who may not have access to receiving such help.

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In my last post , I spoke about implementing boundaries and breaking people-pleasing habits. If im honest, 8 months later I am not much further forward with it! It took me some time to realise this is something so imbedded within me, that I could not overcome this on my own. I had no idea how deep I was in people-pleasing land until I started therapy. But what I had started to realise was that I wasn't in tune with my true authentic self, which heavyly influenced every ascept of my life.

So what made me decide therapy was the answer? On general reflection, I realised I am probably my true authentic self around 2 people in my life. I water myself down pretty much everywhere I go in attempt to fit in or not stand out too much out of fear of rejection, and it just hit a point in my life where I wanted to be able to be my full carefree, fun, silly self without feeling so self-conscious about it and overthinking my entire existence ; I had suddenly realised how much I was holding myself back, but I had no idea how to let go.

I have been so stuck in my comfort bubble for as long as I remember, trying to be someone I thought I should be, instead of exploring and being who I truly am. To such depths that I have no idea who I actually am! Who is Tyra? I have suppressed her so much!

To be honest with you, I have a long way to go to rediscover who I truly am, and I have a lot of inner work to do to get there. But I am at a stage where I truly feel ready to embark on the ups and downs of this journey.

Over the last 6 months I've really felt that my mindset is changing. I'm outgrowing a lot of things and people. I don't enjoy the same things I did before in the same way anymore. I just generally felt like it was time to grow into my true self. It's an indescribable feeling. The best analogy I can give is feeling like I've grown too big for my shell and need to break free, whilst also simultaneously feeling too scared to let go of the safety of my comfort shell, trying to hold on to it but also knowing this isn't for me anymore. And ultimately, the biggest thing of all, being terrified of how I will be perceived if I suddenly start making changes to be my true authentic self. People who have known me for years, months even, suddenly seeing me change. What will they say? What if it changes my relationships and friendships negatively and if so how will I cope?

Fear of how I am perceived by others is my biggest barrier, and I will talk about this A LOT when sharing my journey, as I actually wasn't aware of how deep rooted this was for me.

I've always described myself as self aware. I still believe I am. But honestly I was just scratching the surface. There's so many layers to why I am the way I am and alot of it I had buried deep within. I am in a place where I am ready to bring everything to the surface to heal and move forward.

I'm sharing this journey as although I know therapy is not accessible for a lot of people, I feel there is a perception that you have to be almost at rock bottom to warrant accessing help and support, or present in a certain way to need it. There is still such a stigma around therapy and mental health which I am passionate about breaking down and helping anyone I can to feel heard, seen and understood.

Whatever you may be struggling with, regardless of how small or trivial you think it might be, if you want or feel you need the support and can access it, reach out! Everyone can gain from utilising support and everyone can gain from doing the inner work to learn about themselves. Anything that is going to help you grow and develop is worth investing in. And for those who can't access therapy, I hope sharing my journey can help inspire and guide you on your own personal journeys! We all need help sometimes and that is OK!