CBT: The mindset shift

In this post I will be talking about some of things I have learnt from attending my Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and how it has helped me to look at my triggers in a different perspective!

*I am not a professional CBT therapist and anything I share in this post is based on discussions I have had with my therapist, based on my own experiences, so please bare that in mind!*

Structure of the sessions

So my CBT sessions consisted of 4 other women going through similar experiences to myself, with our therapist. Having group CBT was initially very daunting to me but actually it was quite nice to know I wasn't the only person having the type of thoughts and feelings I was struggling with. It made feel like I wasn't "weird" or a "freak".

The sessions were very relaxed and "casual". They were weekly and would last 2hrs. The first few sessions focused on understanding what social anxiety meant and what was meant by CBT. We also introduced ourselves and our own experiences with anxiety in our first few sessions. Progressing through the CBT, our sessions became focused on recognising our own behaviours and triggers, with the aim of setting goals to slowly start to overcome them. Sometimes it felt like the sessions were more focused on some of the other participates rather than myself, so I did not always feel like I had the time or opportunity I wanted, to talk about my own struggles, which I would say was the only downside to having group sessions instead of 1:1. However, I feel like I learnt a lot from hearing other peoples thoughts and experiences as it helped me to recognise how others may be feeling in certain situation and how this may impact their behaviour/how they come across.

What are triggers?

Triggers are literally the scenarios, events, and thoughts that trigger your anxiety. Think of it as the thing(s) that set off the anxious feelings in the body. Sounds really obvious right? But actually until I sat and really thought about it and wrote it down, it's quite hard to pinpoint exactly what it is that makes you feel triggered. It might not be one huge thing. I could be a serious of little things that turn into a bigger trigger. For example, my triggers are mainly around work and placement settings. This environmental factor alone can make me feel uneasy. However, when I broke it down and really thought about it, it’s having to talk to people in authority that really triggers me. By people in authority I mean supervisors, managers or basically anyone I personally deem more competent than myself. It's the fear of messing up or embarrassing myself in front of them, and them not thinking I'm good enough. I have not quite yet figured out where this fear has stemmed from, but now that I realise what it is I'm actually afraid of, I can actively work towards overcoming it.

Safety Behaviours

Safety behaviours, also what I like to call "self-sabotage"! These are things we do once the anxious feelings have set in, in order to "protect" ourselves, or so we think. But in reality its the behaviours that hold us back and keeps us in the vicious cycle of anxiety. My biggest safety behaviour? Avoidance. I've spent the last few years avoiding situations I find triggering as a way of stopping myself from supposedly embarrassing myself etc. I would not speak to people in authority unless I literally HAD too and when I did I would say as little as possible in order to not draw attention to myself. I would be perfectly happy talking to service users at work if it was just me and them in the room but as soon as a work colleague walked in I would stop talking due to fear of sounding silly or being judged. "If I don't talk I can't mess up right?" "No one can have anything bad to say about me if I don't speak". It wasn't until my CBT that realised how self-sabotaging this behaviour was. I wasn't even giving myself chance of succeeding because I had already decided in my mind what people were going to think or say. With little to no evidence to back up these thoughts.

What I have taken away from CBT

The biggest take away from CBT so far is realising how impactful safety behaviours are. It was honestly like a light build moment! It seems SO obvious to me now but at the time I was truly lost and could not understand why I kept struggling so much with the same/similar scenarios.

My therapist made me realise something so important that I will never forget and will keep written with my when on my next placement:

"I did not fail my first placement because I am bad at what I do, I failed because my thoughts and beliefs stopped me from performing and doing the things I should. Dwelling on this past experience will not help me move forward. The only way to move forward is to start breaking my safety behaviours. Speaking up will not only help me to build my confidence in speaking to others, but will also help me to learn and improve within my field. By avoiding situations I find triggering, I am setting myself up for failure, whilst not giving myself a chance of succeeding which will further feed into my negative thoughts!"

In my head I've painted failure to be this huge thing that I must not ever do and therefore have unattainable standards for myself. I am slowly learning that failure is not the end of the world and actually leads to a lot of growth and development. I am currently taking opportunities at work to try and overcome my fears and safety behaviours for the time being until I go back on placement later this year. So far I am slowly conquering talking to service users in front of work colleagues and realising it is not as scaring as I initially thought, making it easier the more I do it. Don't get me wrong, some days are way easier than others, but you've got to push through the bad days, to have the good days.

Next step, talking to my colleagues!

Tyra's Top Tips!

- If you are struggling with negative thoughts, write them down. Next to the thought write down what evidence there is for it. This can help you to realise when you thoughts are irrational, which can help you to challenge them

- Take small steps to come out of you comfort zone. Small progress is better than no progress. If you make your steps too big, It can be incredibly daunting and disheartening if you don't accomplish it, which may end up setting you backwards. Also right down you small goals so you can tick them off as you go, and tweak them as you need too. It gives you a sense of accomplishment and can help you to focus on your positive actions

- Don't give up! - stepping out of your comfort zone is NOT easy! It's going to be a challenge and will take time before you start find it easier, but keep going, it will be worth it in the end

Anyone who would like to participate in my FREE mindfulness challenge you can find it here! :) : www.ty-blogsx.com/challenges